ALIMONY FOR HUSBANDS: HUMILIATION, OR REVENGE?
Alimony for husbands is on the rise, just as the concept of alimony is itself falling more and more into disfavor. More and more states, including New York are putting greater restrictions on the duration of alimony and the conditions upon which a party can or will receive alimony. Increasingly, a party has to show real disability (physical or mental) and have been in a very long term marriage to receive “life long” alimony. But there are still many cases where parties are receiving alimony and maintenance. And increasingly, alimony for husbands is a thing.
The idea with alimony for husbands is that the genders are equal and while women have been and still are disproportionately the ones to benefit from these monthly payments, men should not be barred from having a little fun at the expense of their ex as well.
But how do men feel about alimony for husbands, really? Are they in to it? Do they feel a sense of revenge, a tit for tat for all those men who had to pay all those ex wives for all those years? Or does it suck to be the kind of man who is dependent on his ex wivfe for his support? And what about women? Does it suck more for women to have to pay their ex husbands alimony than it does for men to have to pay their ex wives? Or it it all equal?
Based on this article, it seems that for women, it sucks more to have to be the ones paying alimony. A large number of them are pushing for alimony reform in their states. Now that the shoe is on their feet, they know how it feels to men who have been the ones burdened with making this onerous payment (sometimes till the ex wife dies!) and women don’t like how that feels.
Are men secretly laughing about this? IS this sweet revenge? Or does it suck for them on two levels? Does it suck to have to be the one to pay alimony? Does it suck to be a man who receives alimony? Does he feel emasculated when he receives it? By contrast, does he feel “successful” (albeit exploited) when he pays it?
Let’s face it: a jobless man is a bigger disgrace than a jobless woman – especially after a certain age. Women are socialized to be fine with being housewives and dropping out of the workforce. Men, not so much. Plus, men are socialized to be the providers in the family and women to receive the provisions of her husband’s labor. Alimony for husbands just turns this stereotype and expectation on its nose. It’s icky and goes against the grain of everybody concerned, including, by the way, the courts and the divorce judges!
What is the takeaway? Is alimony for husbands bragging rights/revenge for guys? Is alimony even fair (for anyone – man or woman) to have to pay? Or does it just suck across the board for everybody? Maybe it depends on the husband? And to a lesser extent on the wife who has to pay?
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