ON HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A POWERFUL MAN WHO ALREADY HAS A SPOUSE
Having an affair with a powerful man can be intoxicating, exhilarating and beneficial to the woman who consents to this – even when the man already has a wife. A lot of women do it. They knowingly have a consensual affair with a powerful man fully hoping to benefit in some way (usually financially) from the relationship. Not only do they have an affair with a powerful man (knowing full well in advance that he is married) but often, they initiate the contact by deliberately placing themselves in his view, dressing provocatively, flirting knowingly, and otherwise making their availability for play known to the man.
These women who have affairs with powerful men know exactly what they are after. Often, it is to break up his marriage and get him to put a ring on it for themselves. Let’s just be honest and stop pretending to be innocent little puppies. These women who go after powerful men mean business right out of the starting bloc. They target the man uncaring that he already has a wife because they see benefits in a relationship with him. They have no qualms about it. They plot, plan and strategize to make sure their aim is realized. And no matter what they say decades later, it is rare that he has to resort to “rape” in order to have his way with her.
Make no mistake about it. As much as there are predatory men who take advantage of innocent and unwilling female accomplices, there are also predatory women who use their wiles to trap, entice and seduce powerful men in order to advance their careers, increase their financial possibilities, or even snag a powerful spouse. There is nothing “innocent” and “victim” about these women in these scenarios.
There probably is nothing wrong with that if it is two consenting adults manipulating each other in this way if that is what they both want. Who am I to judge? But the woman who plays this game stands a huge chance of losing. She may get what she wants but she may not. The question is whether, when she does not, how many of these women turn around and sue the man for sexual harassment (and whether the man deserves it for cheating on his wife in the first place with this individual.)
Having an affair with a powerful man that is consensual and ongoing, is usually not the definition of sexual harassment. Again, there are a lot of pigs out there who do sexually harass women. But not only men are pigs. There are some women who prey on men albeit by using different techniques that are less graphic and less obvious than the man is likely to use.
To come back years later, sometimes decades and accuse a man of sexual harassment after you have both had your fun years prior, is disingenuous and unfair to those women who really are helpless and did not solicit the attention.
Distinguishing between both groups of women is difficult, of course. Even for those women who exaggerate and misrepresent what happened years later, maybe it is not an intentional lie, but just hindsight not being twenty twenty.
Still, this game of participating in sexual affairs with powerful married men and then to cry sexual harassment when the relationship does not harvest in the way you connived, is as much a problem as actual sexual harassment.
Because you knew this man was married. And you had years to complain and said nothing. And these affairs often were not one night stands. So there is dishonesty in many of these accusations. And it is opportunistic. And it just makes women as a group look even worse than ever. That is, if the man is a pig and he harasses he should be held accountable. Right away. But if a woman participates (or even solicits and initiates by coy behavior and flirtations coded behavior that tells the man she is available and willing to play) only to turn around and cry sexual harassment years later (often demanding a huge financial payout to boot), then, this is gross. This makes me feel sick.