Tell the truth: Is your marriage just a big show for family friends and neighbors and strangers too?
It seems that for some people, their marriage is just a big show that they put on to impress others. Which is sad. Because being “married”is so important for these people that they are willing to pretend to be happy and to hide all sorts of atrocities. Just to be able to say “I’m married” or to say “my husband” is all they live for. Usually it is women who are guilty of this but actually, it is not just women who do this. Men sometimes do it but mostly it is women who do this. To be married and to be able to say “I’m married” is the aspiration of more women than men in society. Women are reared to feel successful if they find a husband and to feel like a failure if they don’t. Men not so much. So it is women have a lot more to gain from being married and a lot more to lose from getting divorced, it would seem. Why that is is unclear. It is imposed societally. But it is mostly women who put on this big show for family and others and sometimes, it is downright sad.
Are you one of those women whose marriage is just a big show for others but in fact you are miserable as hell and wish you had the courage to get out? Why do you continue to do this to yourself? How does it feel to be living in this farce? Do you honestly think people can’t see through your hyperboles and superlatives?
One can imagine that when you are in this circumstance where your marriage is just big show, where you have created this situation, that you feel very lonely and isolated. It is like living a lie. It is a pretense and the burden is on you only to keep this pretense up so it can become a very heavy burden to cart around. Because, why be in a marriage that is just a big show for others? Why feel like you have to “show” anything to anybody? Especially your marriage? Why is their opinion of you so important that you feel you have to put on this show for them?
Often, it is all in your own head that anybody cares if your marriage is not perfect. Nobody has a perfect marriage and so you should not feel you need to put on a show to impress them. Actually, on the other hand, maybe to some extent, everybody is putting on a bit of a show for everybody else. How about that notion? It is not just your marriage that is just a big show. Everybody’s marriage is just a big show to some extent.
OK. Maybe. But it is possible to take it to a level that is just ridiculous. If your marriage is a really miserable situation, if you feel lost and unfulfilled in it, you really ought to consider your options and it shouldn’t be about giving people around you a false impression of what you are experiencing. Moreover, it is really important to be true to yourself and not to lie to yourself and when you put on this big show for others, it is a lie to others but most of all you are lying to yourself.
So just stop. If your are miserable as hell just say so and stop faking.