Prioritize your life after divorce: Career, Dating & Parenting
Which should you prioritize after divorce? Career? Dating? Or Parenting?
Prioritize your life after divorce. This is the issue and the question in this article. How do you even begin to do it? How do you choose? Which is more important? Which should you give priority?
It would depend, perhaps on exactly what moment you are currently standing in. The answer would change depending on the circumstances. How long have you been divorced? How many children do you have? How old are your children? What are your career options and choices? What role does your ex play in your life and that of the children? How old are you? Where do you live? What are you own values? What are your needs? What is your end game? What are your goals both short term and long term?
The answer to prioritizing your life after divorce would really seem to depend on a lot of different variables. There is no one size fits all. You can’t mimic someone else or follow someone else’s advice. You have to evaluate and assess the situation for yourself and come to your own decision.
It would seem also that the key is balance. The new life you chart for yourself after divorce will largely be a balancing act. There is only one of you and a lot of different things to reconcile. So you have to evaluate your life and your personal story to figure out how to prioritize your life after divorce.
Should your career ever come first over dating and parenting? It may seem callous but the answer is “it could.” It depends on your situation. For women, saying they put their career ahead of parenting might be more of a faux pas than for men. Obviously, most women would not cop to putting their jobs above their kids. And most women probably don’t put their jobs above their kids but most women who work outside the home spend more time on their jobs than they do with their kids. This is a fact.
Indeed, for working moms who work full time outside the home, their quality time with their children probably amount to about 2 hours per day, if that. Because they would leave for work at 8:00 in the morning (or earlier) and return home after a long commute about 8:00 at night. Meanwhile, the children are in school or spend the day with a child care provider and by time the parent returns home, it is time for a late dinner and homework (assuming the child is not already in bed.)
After divorce, this pattern will probably intensify because obviously, with one income coming in, the average newly single parent does not have the luxury of reducing their working hours outside the home. They simply do not have the luxury of “prioritizing their kids” over their job. This does not mean this person is a bad parent. Re-establishing your career after divorce can be a demanding full time occupation in and of itself.>
Should you ever prioritize dating over your kids and your job after a divorce? Yikes. Saying yes to this question would obviously open a major controversy with the observers in society. Kourtney Kardashian is not married and never married as of the date of this post but when she prioritized a trip to Cannes with her much younger lover over remaining in Los Angeles to parent and “mother” her 3 children with Scott Disick, even we at Divorce Saloon cried foul.
The fact is that at different moments in your life after divorce, you will put your dating life above all other things. It may only be for a weekend as in the case of Kourtney, but it will happen. Does this make you a bad employee or a bad parent? It depends on the context. It depends on what else you have going on. It depends on your timing. Circumstances, as they say, alter the situation.
But needing to have romance and love in your life despite having children and being divorced does not make you a bad person, parent or employee.
Should you prioritize parenting over your job and dating life. Again, it all depends on the situation. For some people, the answer to this question will always be “yes” in every circumstance. But other people have different variables that could change the answer to this question. For example, how old are your children? How involved is the other parent? What is going on in your job or in your personal relationship? How long have you been divorced? These and other questions are germane to determining when and why you could de-prioritize your kids for something or someone else.
No question that for most people, parenting is the most important job they do. But depending on the age of your children and other things you may not be able to prioritize parenting all the time. You could have a very demanding job that requires you to give it priority at least in certain circumstances. You could have a situation in dating life that requires your urgent attention.
The good news with parenting is that usually there are two of you and when you can’t give it your full focus, hopefully there is someone there to pick up the slack.
In conclusion, there is no easy answer to this question of how to prioritize your life after divorce with respect to career, dating & parenting. It all depends on your particular situation. And your priorities will shift as well they will not remain static. One moment you may prioritize parenting, the next your career and afer, dating.
The key is to remain flexible and give yourself permission to be imperfect, because it is highly unlikely that you will achieve perfect equilibrium with this stuff.