If you had known that your spouse had been “hell bent” on marrying someone else right before you hooked up, would you still have said yes?
I was talking to a friend the other day and she told me that before she and her husband got engaged, he had been hell bent on marrying his high school sweetheart. But she left and went to Colorado to attend university and he stayed in Long Island and the two (he and my friend) met one day in of all places Queens, New York, at a mutual friend’s wedding and the rest is history, within a couple of weeks after the girlfriend left for Colorado.
The reason I bring this up is that my friend and I were talking about her marriage, less than 5 years old, because things are a bit rocky right now and she is not sure if they are going to make it.
She found out the husband and the ex girlfriend, who is back in town, were emailing and texting each other on a fairly regular basis. She caught him red handed and she said the text messages are fairly racy.
Not sure if he was the one who told her that he had been “hell bent” on marrying this woman or if it was her mother in law, who, just between you of me I think is a little bit of a trouble maker. But I do know that he admitted that he had been in love with this girl and that he said “I still love her on a certain level,” which really made my friend very, very uncomfortable.
They are a sort of high net worth family and they have a daughter so there is a lot to lose if she loses this marriage. She doesn’t work and before she met him, she had been struggling a bit financially.
I don’t think the money is the issue though. I think she loves this man and wants to stay married to him but this woman from his past just blasted her way back into the picture and it is just creating all sorts of havoc in that marriage.
I asked her point blank “if you had known he was ‘hell bent’ on marrying this woman right before you two hooked up, would you have gone through with the whole thing”? Because they got married really quickly. I don’t think they dated for a good six months before they rushed down the aisle. And his family was not necessarily on board 100 percent with the speed of that nuptial.
She said she couldn’t answer the question. She said she couldn’t turn back time and say what she would or would not have done. All she knew is that she loves her husband and does not want to get a divorce and she is worried that this other woman was going to destroy what they had built for nearly five years.
I am nervous for her. It is one thing if he had just been dating another woman right before they met. But to be “hell bent” on marrying her and only changing her mind because she went to Colorado? I think there is a real risk that his heart is still with the other woman and that he chose my friend on the rebound as a last resort.
What do you think?
Would you have married a guy (or gal) who you knew was “hell bent” on marrying someone else right before you met?