5 Sure-Fire Ways for Men to Lose Custody
Child custody is defined as “a parent who is given physical and/or legal custody of a child by court order”.
A child-custody order is a judgment, decree, or other order of a court determining the legal custody, physical custody, or visitation of a child. Custody of your child, or children, derives from a court document called a “Parenting Plan”.
But why is it that, in Family Court, it always seems like the default choice is custody goes to the mother? Moreover, it seems like it has to be an extreme, documented, case of an unfit parent for the father to even have a chance at getting custody of his children.
While there are statistics that suggest that there is some gender bias in the Family Court system (like mothers being granted child custody nearly 82% of the time) there are also common actions that men take to ensure that their soon-to-be-ex keeps the kids.
If you want to lose custody of your children, make sure you do these 5 things. (Pro Tip: If you don’t want to lose custody of your children, don’t do these 5 things.)
1) Abandon an Active Parenting Role
Divorce can be a battlefield. (It gets even more complicated if you are dealing with child custody in the military) Of course, you love your children. But you are in a very volatile environment if you are still co-habitating with your soon-to-be-ex spouse. Sometimes it feels like it would just be easier to take a step or two back from the whole situation until things calm down a bit.
And that’s what many men do. They take a few steps back and slightly remove themselves.
But, regarding child custody, it is crucial to stay involved in what is happening in your children’s lives.
Ask those questions about their day and get involved in as much as you can. Show that you care about what they are learning in school.
If they play a sport, don’t stop taking them to practice! Be available to take them to and from their extra-curricular activities.
Subject yourself to the role of a primary caretaker.
This refers to the parent who has the greatest responsibility for the daily care and rearing of a child. Simple tasks such as attending their doctors’ appointments, visits to the dentist, supervision on a playdate, taking your kids back-to-school shopping, or a school conference all can show how you are acting as their primary caretaker.
2) Display a Lack of Parental “Fitness”
A parent who partakes in alcohol and/or drugs, even casually, will have a problem winning a custody dispute.
Judges will take accusations of drug and alcohol abuse very seriously. These allegations will be investigated with random testing, psychological evaluations, and interviews.
If you have known issues with drug and/or alcohol abuse, you must seek treatment immediately. If you have been suspected of domestic violence or abuse, it may guarantee that you will lose custody.
Ensure that you are being a responsible adult and a positive role model for your children.
3) Post, Email, and Text Anything That Pops into Your Head
Every custody trial has the potential to show off evidence that can be used to portray the other parent in a very negative spotlight. This evidence can make or break the custody battle.
Whether the “proof” stems from text messages, social media photos, trash-talking emails, videos, or voicemails; they are potentially harmful to your case.
Try to keep the communications between you and your ex civil and clean for the sake of your kids.
When heading toward a divorce, take the proper steps to clean up your social media channels, resist the urge to try and hack into your soon-to-be-exes accounts, and find a living situation that allows you to avoid conflict and temporarily appeases everyone until matters can be settled more permanently.
Understand that bad-mouthing habits can be the deal-breaker when it comes to custody.
4) Tell Your Kids Why Their Mother is the ‘Bad Guy’
Tell your children why it’s so important that they understand how their mother is unfit to keep your kids, keep your dog, and keep your house. Let them know how about how you think she is just doing this for the child support money. That she was the one who filed for divorce, so this is all her fault. Really get them to empathize with your pain.
Judges tend to look favorably upon the parent who can show that they support their child’s relationship with the other parent.
If you are constantly deprecating the other parent, it will be reprimanded. Do not take out your anger and harsh feelings in front of your children. Negatively influencing the child’s relationship with their other parent will hinder your chances of gaining the custody you are trying to achieve.
Your behaviors are what earn your time in your child’s life.
The other parent can accuse you of parental alienation and interference with their parenting time. Many judges will consider a change of custody if this type of interference is shown. You want to show the Judge that you will promote the best interests of your child. Recognize the value of the child’s relationship with your ex-wife and take the steps to encourage that relationship.
It is understandable that when you are going through a divorce, it can be very hard to put those feelings aside, but that is exactly what you need to do.
5) Do Whatever You Want, Whenever You Want
If you want your wife to win custody of your children you should immediately go on a huge dating spree before you begin to heal emotionally, completely disregard the important matters going on in your children’s lives, and blow off any mandatory seminars or meetings you don’t feel like going to.
To win custody of your kids you must consistently act with good judgment and self-control. You will need to educate yourself and act professionally. Understand your parenting plan before making vacation plans, pre-plan out fun activates to do with your kids, and look into the specific issues that are going to impact your case (such as, when your children live in another state, or, how your child support will be calculated, for example).
If you are a person who regularly loses control and cannot control themselves, you will automatically be at a disadvantage.
Do not act inappropriately in-front of your kids, your ex, or the Judge. A parent who acts foolish in front of attorneys, social workers, teachers, neighbors, etc. will be confronted with a lot of negative testimony and evidence at trial.
This, again, is where more voice mails, videos, and emails can come into play.
If you are serious about winning custody, demonstrate self-control and put your children’s needs first.
Going through a divorce is a difficult and emotional process. Your time with your child raises the volume of emotions considerably. Seek counseling to get your composure under control if that’s what it takes. It has proven helpful for many people before you, so consider giving counseling a chance.
So that’s it.
If you want to know a few sure-fire ways to lose custody, it’s pretty simple;
– Stop helping with your children
– Develop a drinking and drug problem
– Use social media to voice your anger
– Talk bad about your ex to your kids
– Live your life wild and free
It’s that simple.
But, if that’s not what you want to happen, and you would like a fighting chance at getting custody of your children, then you should not do any of those things.
Don’t even get close.
The first thing you should do is educate yourself and speak with an experienced attorney in your area who can give you more information on the specifics of your case. Move quickly, and file first if you still can, time is a factor and you will want to be in the best position possible to make this work. Historically, the odds are not in your favor. That is why it is more important than ever that you dot your i’s and cross your t’s if you want to win custody in Family Court.
Elijah White I Digital Marketing Specialist
3025 Limited Lane NW I Olympia, WA 98502