Divorce Wedding Cake
Do wedding cakes cause divorce?
Divorce wedding cakes are a thing! This just came to me in an epiphany! Wedding cakes are the devil. WEDDING. CAKES. ARE. THE DEVIL. And believe me, I am not the only one to realize this. There are all sorts of people on the Internet with wedding cake horror stories.
I don’t know what it is and why this is the way it is. But the key to why you are getting divorced, in my opinion, can be isolated to that cake you had at the wedding.
Is it a function of the ingredients? Is it the baker’s hand? Is it the way you fed it to each other at the ceremony? I don’t know. Maybe all of the above. But wedding cakes are a jinx.
Wedding cakes are beautiful as heck, don’t get me wrong. But all demons are beautiful. That is why they are so hard to recognize for what they are. Wedding cakes are packaged like visions of loveliness; but are evil as heck.
Some of wedding cakes can’t even wait to implode and just collapse right there at the ceremony. They roll off the wedding table like bats out of hell. Or, they just, like, literally, implode. They just cave in. Like your marriage! It is really a divorce cake!
Or, when it’s time to feed each other the cake, the couple just degenerates into a literal food fight in front of everyone (a true indicator of what is to come in that marriage.)
If you want to avoid divorce, do not serve wedding cake. Do not order a wedding cake. Do not eat any wedding cake whatsoever. Just serve your guest sorbet instead. I’m serious.