By Kristen Weng for Divorce Saloon International Magazine: Le Saloon
ARIES You desire nothing more than to obtain a strategic advantage in your divorce battle with your ex which isn't even underway as yet. The problem is that what you are contemplating doing may be unethical at best and illegal at worse. Why not consider laying your cards on the table and telling your ex the situation in a frank way and take the high road instead? TAURUS You have sex on your mind and your desire is to get it at a maximum frequency and at the highest quality with the minimum emotional investment. The last thing you need is any more baggage. You are done with that nonsense. You just want some no strings attached and a nice friend with benefits. You can probably find it pretty easily but what are you willing to trade for this flexibility? GEMINI You desire a little bit of peace and serenity and calm. Is this too much to ask? Of course not. It isn't at all. The entire period of your divorce was nothing short of World War III. The whole thing just left you drained, stressed and fried and jaded too. You want some fresh country air and to find someone who brings out the best in you. You know what you should do? Change your address. Move. Seriously. Someplace very far - away from this group you got close to during the marriage. Your environment is toxic. Get out of there as quickly as you can. CANCER Your desire is to reconstruct your family which you fear was almost completely destroyed by the divorce and the animus and all the dirty laundry that got publicly aired. Indeed, be assured that you filed for divorce in the nick of time. The children were not alright and they are still shell shocked and you need to think about this and figure something out. Take them on a family holiday. Get away a little bit. LEO You desire to be surprised. You have reached a pivotal point in your life where nothing surprises you anymore and could even be described as apathetic and "over it." Will you ever feel like yourself again you wonder? The answer is a resounding "yes." But you have to claw your way back and fight to feel like yourself again. And it is in your nature to be optimistic, open and filled with faith in others and in life. So don't worry. You have not been permanently changed by your divorce. VIRGO You desire love. To give it and to receive it. The problem is that you are afraid to unlock your heart because getting divorced was just not something you ever envisioned could happen to you. You thought this thing was going to be forever and now you are gun shy. You never want to feel so vulnerable again. But a chance encounter with a stranger between June and September will change all that. Love will simply make its presence known and felt and demand that you do something about it. No choice. It will be like a tsunami. LIBRA You desire two things: To be bound and paradoxically to be free. Can you have it both ways? It depends on how you approach things. Maybe you can opt out of remarriage or even cohabitation for now but you can maybe agree to be exclusive (even if you give yourself permission - as you will - to cheat from time to time) emotionally, if not sexually. ACQUARIUS Your desire is to run away. And to put on a disguise and to never return. You have been left emptied and adrift from the breakdown of your marriage and you feel that you made such a mistake in marrying this person to begin with. Well, what it is is that you feel like you never really knew this person. The truth is that it was you. You did not know yourself. That was the problem. You have a motherlode of angst heading into the summer but if I were you, I would just take off on a holiday. But unlike you, I would definitely plan to return. PISCES You desire oblivion by any means necessary. Whether narcotics, alcohol, humor or profligate sex, you need FORGETFULNESS. It is perfectly understandable how you feel but ill advised for you to resolve your feelings in such a negative way. Why not do something more useful and practical and rewarding with your life and time and stop wallowing in self pity? Write a book. Go on a safari. Start a foundation to help needy children in your own city. But of course, nobody can preach to you. You are an adult and must make your own decisions and if you insist on destroying yourself just because you are single for a minute, well, go right ahead. SCORPIO You desire respect. It is not too much to ask but the ongoing antics of the personalities around you, especially your former spouse and that new person they are dating, really does leave a lot to be desired. The whole situation is beneath your dignity in fact and you would rather not have to deal with this situation. Were it not for the kids and for your spousal support, you would never mention this person's name again. You know what you need to do quite honestly? Lower your expectations of these people. And maybe you need to just stop communicating for a while. Not a peep except emails about the kids if necessary. When you again make an appearance, your relationship may improve by osmosis. You never know. SAGGITARIUS Your desire right now is a long sojourn in the African wilds. Just you, a guide and a shotgun. It sounds like exactly what the doctor ordered but to be honest, it is not. The whole idea you have in your head is crazy, precipitate and rash and ridiculous. Don't go to the African wilds. Stay in town. Spend your free time in cafés like Starbucks. There is a lot of life left to taste but it will not be found in the African wilds. There is nothing but trouble waiting for your in the African wilds. Again, don't go to the African wilds. Don't say I didn't warn you. CAPRICORN You desire wisdom. Wisdom will mean making fewer stupid mistakes in your personal life. The things is though that thinking your broken marriage was a "mistake" is wrongheaded and unwise. This was one of the best things you ever did - both the marriage and the divorce. These experiences were very necessary for you at the times they happened. If you hadn't had the experiences you would not be the person you have become today or will be in the future. Yes indeed, you are already wise beyond your years and next time around, you just need to trust your instincts.
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