My girlfriends and I talk about our marriages all the time. There are five of us in our circle and we live all over the world and we connect by skype and we conference each other too. But lucky for us, we recently had a girls holiday in Madrid and one of my friends, the one I am closest to since we were teenagers at school in Switzerland told me the most shocking news that her husband who she married in a beautiful ceremony in Florence, Italy just two years ago. She told me that he had raped her one night not so long ago!
I was truly incredulous because Valentina’s husband who happens to be Italian, is such a nice guy! Seriously he is the last person I would imagine would rape his wife. He is very soft spoken and very attentive to their guests whenever we visit and he comes from a good, affluent Italian family too. He is not at all a chauvinist and I have never pegged him as this stereotypical macho guy type. I live in France and my husband is french and he is the opposite of Valentina’s husband. He is openly chauvinist and he hates having animals inside our apartment (we live in Paris) but he would never, ever rape me. I know this for sure.
I was really shocked and I did not know what to say to my friend about this situation. She seemed really unhappy and she looks very tired and not at all like herself but the incident occurred months back and she said that since then he has been very nice and that he has not forced himself on her again. She said it was a mistake and he was angry and they had a big fight had had too much to drink and she said he is not very nice when he drinks and he is getting treatment for his drinking.
I did not bring up the topic of divorce with her because Valentina loves her husband more than anything and I did not think it was my place to suggest divorce to my friend. But in my head I thought if someone did that to me I would not stay married to him.
I just can’t imagine a moment when raping your spouse is excusable.