Fake it Till You Feel it: Acting like You Still Love a Spouse You Hate Could Save Your Marriage

You can fake almost any emotion. Did you know that? And one of those emotions that you can fake is “love.” In fact, so powerful is this tool of faking emotions, that you can use it to save a marriage that has been declared dead by the marriage coroner – assuming you are even interested in saving the thing, that is. Because at this point you could be so fed up and disgusted that there really is no way of returning to fake a darn thing.

Just in case all hope is not lost, how can you achieve this? First, grin. Grin and bear it. Then, practice deep eye contact when speaking to this person (even if you absolutely hate the sight of him/her at this point.) Imagine in your head, this person as a child no older than five years old when interacting with him or her – a vulnerable, little version of themselves. What were the things that hurt this person or made them cry? What are the things going all the way back to this time that continue to influence their behavior as adults in this marriage with you? Find a way to sympathise and empathise with this child.

Try turning the clock back also with going out to places with this person the way you used to when you first started seeing each other. Imagine you are love sick teenagers. Giggle even when you don’t feel like it. Tickle him/her and make them giggle. Just laugh. Laughing is the most amazing therapy and could help you fall in love even with a crocodile.

Do something kind and thoughtful for this person every day. Iron his shirt, brush her hair. Say a kind word(s) such as “I appreciate you.” Write them daily love letters for 30 days and never once utter a criticism. Focus only on the good, on the thing that makes you “love” them.

What else? Take a staycation together to a romantic getaway and make love till the love comes back. Also, try using mirroring techniques to get into sync and to be coordinated with him/her even in the way you dress.

Get couple’s therapy.

How else can you “fake it till you feel it”? Renew your vows or if you have already started the divorce, just simply stop the process and tell everybody that you are still in love and are reconciling. If all else fails, the latter ought to do it. So go ahead, make believe. Sometimes, it becomes true.

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