10 Funniest “Congratulations on your Divorce” Quotes

Divorce doldrums got you down? Here are 10 Divorce Quotes to cheer yourself up with

  1. Unknown “If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you climbed out?”
  2. Robin Williams “Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.”
  3. Roseann Barr “I am not upset about my divorce I am only upset I am not a widow.”
  4. Johnny Carson “The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.”
  5. Unknown “Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
    Because when they arrive, they’re wet and wild,but
    when they go, they take your house and car.”
  6. Rodney Dangerfield “When I got divorced it was group sex. My wife screwed me in front of the jury.”
  7. Lee Trevino “My divorce came as a complete surprise. That’s what happens when you haven’t been home in eighteen years.”
  8. Greg Tamblyn “A friend of mine recently divorced his wife after 37 years. He said he was looking for a some-sex relationship.”
  9. Jean Kerr Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.
  10. Unknown “My Dear Husband,
    I received your letter and thank you for your honesty
    about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this
    opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old.
    As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college.
    I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will
    be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students,
    who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile,
    and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
    As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge
    of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation
    although with one small difference – 18 goes into 54”
    a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
    Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

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Author: Mark Colombo

I work in tech but I don't consider myself particularly "techy" which is a little bit weird, I know. I freelance a lot and contribute articles to Divorce Saloon and other blogs on occasion. I live on the East Coast.

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