On When Baby Makes a Divorce – by Kate Nguyen

 

Babies can lead to massive marital upheavals. Sure, swimming in your lovely little head is this Brangelina fantasy of a passel of impossibly cute babies turned children that you can cart across continents to the glee of paparazzi and other voyeurs – and happily ever after with your own gorgeous & gorgeous equivalent of Brad Pitt.

But it doesn’t always work out like that. Babies can lead to divorce. Not to mention

  • Sleepless nights
  • Sexless nights
  • Boredom
  • Feelings of isolation

This does not even take into account the financial toll, or if god forbid the baby is not healthy.

Why does this phenomenon occur? Babies are so cute what is not to love? The thing is that you can’t send them back and get a refund and sometimes, you do have buyers remorse because it is difficult! Plus, one of you may have been ambivalent about the whole idea or maybe totally against the idea. If one party did not want to have a baby, then this is a huge risk for the marriage if you “accidentally” got pregnant. You could probably get another couple of years out of the marriage but if you accidentally had the baby, you can pretty much be sure that the marriage is doomed.

Another reason that babies cause so much problems in a marriage – especially a new marriage – is that one of the partners does not pull their weight and leaves all the work of getting up in the middle of the night, feeding the baby, changing the baby etc to the other. This imbalance causes friction and conflict even if it is unspoken. A lot of men are guilty here because they leave the newborn to their wives and they almost expect to be congratulated for doing the minimal. And this is a frustration for a lot of women and it leads to huge marital squabbles.

A lack of communication skills even before the baby comes can be a culprit too. The baby just exposes the flaws in communication and then it seems like the baby led to the divorce but the couple could have been incompatible before the baby even arrived.

The sense that freedom has been lost, is another reason that babies can strain marriages. Prior to the baby it was possible to go out on dates and go away for the weekend and have dinner with friends and be carefree. You were able to get enough sleep and have all the other pleasures you desired.

But now the baby is here and all of that has to stop and the entire focus is now on this screaming, demanding, person. It can lead some couples to turn on each other in frustration – especially at 4 in the morning when baby wakes up and loudly demands attention.

Yes, babies can be a big risk for some marriages. Be careful about your decisions where having babies are concerned. Put it off as long as possible. Freeze your eggs if necessary. Really make sure you are ready. Enjoy your youth and enjoy the first few years of marriage just the two of you before you embark on this baby business. Just my two cents.

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