It just so happens that I’m alone this weekend and I was awakened at 5:30 this morning to the sound of the burglar alarm going haywire. The total petrification I felt was just absolutely ridiculous. At first I was totally confused at to what the bleep was going on, since I’ve never had to deal with early morning alarms where I come from, NYC. But once I realized that, indeed, the burglar alarm had been triggered, for sure, I somehow managed to keep a level head, pressed the panic button ever so calmly, and closed myself off in my bedroom (WITH THE LIGHTS OFF, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!) to wait for the police to arrive.
Well, girrrl, they took their own sweet time to get here and by the time they did, my nerves were so frazzled, so shot, I couldn’t even remember my name. Well, it was really one cute, skinny sheriff who came actually, and he checked out all the windows and assured me that whatever triggered the alarm did not come from the outside, since, he DIDN’T SEE ANY SIGNS OF ENTRY.
Well, yea. Ok. Ladeeda. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok. It’s fine. I”m fine. I am left to my devices to settle my nerves and keep my blood pressure from escaping through my ears and nostrils. The only way I know I am going to cope, is to eat. And maybe to have a nice little cocktail too. So guess what? You are in luck because I’ve just concocted a recipe for a margarita, which I call the DIVORCE MARGARITA, that I want to share with you just in case you are having some divorce stress from which you need immediate relief. Are you ready? Here goes:
1 1/2 ounce premium tequila
1 oz bloody orange juice
1 0z pomegranate juice
1/2 soft, firm sliceable lime
3/4 oz Grand Marnier or triple sec liqueur
pinch of kosher salt or coarse brown sugar
splash of Tabasco sauce
dash of paprika
1. Pour all ingredients except Tabasco sauce, salt and sugar in a cocktail shaker with ice cubes.
2. Shake well and vigorously, at least minimum of 15 seconds (or the number of years of marriage but not less than 15 seconds).
3. Salt or sugar the rim of the margarita glass (chilled is best)
4. Strain the contents into the margarita/cocktail glass.
5. Splash with a touch of Tabasco sauce
6. Garnish with a wedge of lime.
Now, darling, sit down, and slowly sip this mother, till you feel calm again. It’s gonna be alright. No, seriously. It is. This was just a false alarm. Everything (including your divorce) is gonna be okay. You’re gonna be finnnnnnne. See, your hands aren’t even shaking anymore. 🙂 There……exhale…………
- DA DRINK!: The best damn divorce cocktail you will ever need – with Armagnac and pear liqueur
- How to stay sane during the divorce process
- Food: The Divorce Turkey Burger
- Food: Warm Divorce Pre-trial Porridge
- On Losing Weight in Time For Your Divorce Trial
- Food: Divorce pie to comfort your belly
- Food: Butter-fried french toast for divorce-bound kids
- CALIFORNIA: The $6 million dollar divorce: Charles Brandes v. Linda Brandes
- FOOD: Is divorce stress leaving you a bit “inconsistent”? Try our high fibre Oatmeal/Carrot Pancakes
- Beauty: The ultimate post-divorce home-made facial mask