Three words that signal trouble in a marriage

I was watching a bunch of YouTube videos recently and came across a couple that caught my attention. The videos were of Sports Illustrated super model Chrissy Teigen and crooner John Legend; and another with Neil Patrick Harris and his husband. In the videos, I was struck by the “me, mine, my” attitude of two of the spouses. One kept referring to what clearly was joint real estate as “my house” repeatedly throughout the video. Several times it seemed that this person enjoyed sole ownership of the property.

In the other situation, one spouse  referred to a wedding present from parents -clearly intended as a gift to both parties –   as “mine.” And when the other party tried to interject “no, it was ours!” the offending spouse quickly deadpanned “no, it was mine.”

This was striking because it showed a lack of unity in the relationship and illustrated a mentality that is bound to become problematic in both these relationships. Moreover, if there is no prenuptial agreement  here, it is going to be an ugly divorce for sure; and even if there is a prenup, it would be a huge surprise if it is not challenged down the road by the less affluent spouse.

But of course I am not a shrink and maybe it doesn’t mean anything. After all, just because a person is married does not mean they should lose all their individuality. Yet, something struck me about these two situations. I question the depth of their commitment to their spouse just because their spoken communication was so “me” orientated. (oriented?) It seems that in order to have a long, lasting and happy marriage, folks need to be more “we” and “ours” orientated.

What do you think?

 

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