So, you want to know how to have a glamorous divorce? Here are the ten vital steps:
1) Have a news-worthy spouse who is either dumping you or who you are dumping – CEO, Celebrity, Socialite, Lottery winner, billionaire – that type of VIP. Anything else is just conversation.
2) Get hounded by the papparazi while dressed to the nines on your way to divorce court; but never act annoyed. Wave instead and bring them cupcakes. Make sure you are wearing good shoes.
3) Sign an endorsement deal with a high end designer right after your divorce hits the Associated Press and exclusively wear the ultra expensive duds for any event that requires you to go out of your house (this includes Starbucks)
4) Dye your hair a lush color and make sure it is always photo-ready.
5) Get Barbara Walters or her modern equivalent whoever that is to interview you. Then you will get to explain why you are getting divorced in the first place. Better yet, get on the cover of Vanity Fair and do a tell all/expose on life in the gilded cage replete with butlers, diamonds and charity balls before you woke up and realized that life is too short to live like this.
6) Decline to be interviewed by Oprah on the grounds that she’s “day time.” Of course, if she will do a Night time special just for you, then do her.
7) Stop eating; call up Gwyneth’s trainer Tracy Anderson to make sure you are tight and firm no matter how bad you feel inside. That way your posterior will stay put in all the fancy clothes.
8) Ask for over $100 million dollars in alimony (and have all the bloggers wax poetic about how realistic it is that you will get it even if the prenup says you only get $20 million if you commit adultery – and by the way, you did.)
9) Take off for a weekend with your new beau/babe to a watering hole in the Caribbean or coastal Africa – (but be sure to tip off the right photographers so that your picture will wind up on the cover of Time Magazine) – with black sand as a back drop.
10. Get eye drops to get the red out of your eyes from all the crying and invest in a really, really dark pair of sun glasses. Don’t forget: You must never let em see you cry. Ya hear?
Originally published October 11, 2009Sign Up! Get Free Giveaways, New Ideas & Latest News Valid email for entry Thanks 🙂