It is always refreshing when a woman who’s never married is prone to give out marriage advice, isn’t it? Well, I do think I am uniquely suited to dispense marriage and relationship advice because I listen to women talk about what went wrong in their relationships and marriages and while I don’t know from actual experience what might hold a marriage together, I can sort of patch together my theories, based on the sea of failed marriages that have come across my desk. So here are some of the things I think these wives would have done if they had a second go at it.
1. They should have cooked more oysters and drank more champagne for him and with him.
2. They would have bought and selectively worn a stiletto.
3. They could have bought a few more silky red teddies that hit all their curves the right way and worn them more often than the granny pants with holes in the bottom that they lived in all the time .
4. They should have engaged in more activities, as detailed in March 2009 Glamour Magazine, that made him utter any one of the following phrases at least 5 times per week: (1) “My God, my love, my life”; (2) You. Are. A-mazing; (3) “10…9…8…7…6…”; (4) “Get ready for a blizzard!”
5. They could have invested in “kiss me coupons” and used them each time it seemed an argument was going to erupt over something stupid.
6. They should have practiced the edicts of “French Women Don’t Get Fat” as a matter of routine.
7. They would have gotten a weekend babysitter for the kids at least twice per year and taken off to the sexiest hotel, spa or bed and breakfast they could find to be alone with him, for grown up time.
8. In addition to being his lover, they simply would have also been his best friend–by listening, not judging, and not faking.
9. Under no circumstances would they have called him something like “tree trunk” to his face–cause they loved him too much to insult his ego in this manner.
10. They would have just let him be the man.
Originalaly published feb 13, 2009