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Divorce tips for dads and husbands

Dads and husbands have unique concerns when they are in the process of divorce. I am always surprised by how many men are emotionally devastated by divorce. It’s not like I think men are animals or anything, even though a lot of female clients have referred to their husbands in this way. It’s just that I think of them as rocks. No, I do. Somehow, somewhere in my formation, I came to think of men as these hard rocks who don’t have feelings, who shouldn’t cry and who are weak and effeminate if they show too much of their sensitive side. I’ve never quite known what to do with anything of the male species that did not comport with this stereotype. It’s something I am working on. I know I have to work to change this. I know men have feelings and that not all men are animals.

I’ve had male divorce clients and it is always surprising, and touching, how much emotions they displayed about the failed marriage and their love for their kids.

So what tips would I give to dads and husbands about to go through a divorce? Well, lets’ see…I think I would say the following:

1) Keep up the dialogue with your wife so that you can try to settle this matter without expensive litigation.

2) Remember that this is about the adults. Keep the kids out of it.

3) Don’t keep it all inside. Contrary to what I’ve thought all my life, it is okay for a man to cry.

4) If you are the main bread winner, think of how to mitigate the financial fall out, but accept that you will have to pay child support and probably alimony to your economically disadvantaged spouse.

5) Don’t use violence as a means of communication. This is NEVER a good idea.

6) Stay active with your kids. Make daddy time special by doing fun activities and reminding the kids how much you love them; also don’t use parenting time as a time for you to “bad-mouth” your wife.

7) Get good legal counsel.

8) Figure out the true value of your assets and whether they are “marital” (bought during marriage) or “separate.”

9) Go to court for a couple of hours and sit and watch a proceeding so that you will see why it is better for you and your spouse to find common ground without court intervention.

10) Keep active mentally and physically by going to the gym, movies, and other entertainment venues. AND DON’T QUIT YOUR JOB to spite your spouse. You’ll be biting off your nose to spite your face with that.

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