Home DIVORCE ADVICE: Q&A Did your marriage combust because you’re so darned “smart”?

Did your marriage combust because you’re so darned “smart”?

According to this article, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-alex-benzer/why-the-smartest-people-h_b_169939.html  which I recently found on the Huffington Post, highly educated people have a lot of dating problems and have trouble finding mates due to the fact that they are so smart, and, I guess, so picky. So, I got to wondering if that might cause some marriages to implode, this idea of being “too smart” for your spouse and your marriage. (Yes, I guess I am equating “smart” with “educated” which is probably a wrong assumption from the get go, but I’m running with it anyways. So bear with me.) 

I have friends who absolutely refuse to go near certain “highly educated” men (PHd’s,  MD’s, Ivy League BS’s). I totally understand why. Some  “smart” guys tend to be slightly boring and insufferable and narcissistic sometimes. It’s all about them and they try to make you feel inferior just because they are so smart or they think they are so smart. This tendency does not change just because they may have put a ring on your left ring finger. And it is one of the surest ways to cause a marriage to unravel.

In addition, these overly educated “smarty pants” can  lack warmth and empathy since they take themselves too seriously (and are so maddeningly bookish on top of it all) and they disdain others around them–including their spouses–and this can have a constipatory effect on a marriage, I would think…. Next thing you know, the marriage is on the rocks as the spouse who is less “smart” goes searching for someone to love them, respect them, and make them feel “worthy” or the spouse who is “too smart” seeks someone to make them feel omniscient–cause usually they have a Christ complex…

Btw, studies show that when the wife is more educated than her husband, it causes much more friction in the marriage than when the husband is more educated or “smarter than” the wife. Read here: http://www.divorcesaloon.com/is-your-education-causing-your-divorce?

In some cases, I almost think better the carpenter or construction worker who is good with his hands and can build things from scratch and who thinks you’re a gem than some overly educated Ivy League metrosexual who gets manicures and whose hands are softer than yours and who thinks he’s all that just because he’s got all these pieces of paper sticking up on his wall and you are just a house-wife and who disdains you and puts you below his Mercedes in terms of his esteem….(another assumption that carpenters and construction workers are not “smart” or “educated.” I am going to get in a lot of trouble with this post I can feel it!)

But. So.  Can anyone really blame the failure of their marriage on a spouse who is “too educated” or “too smart”, though? Wouldn’t that be a good thing–especially for the husband?–since it puts your spouse in a higher earning bracket? Oh. That’s right. That was sexist. Plus, money isn’t everything. It can’t buy happiness. But it also can’t buy poverty which often leads to a lot of misery due to money problems–and that often leads to divorce! 

That is not to say that “educated” or “smart” people are always good providers. Many are not. And vice versa. Many blue collar workers make an excellent and steady income. But the usual case scenario is that the higher education a person receives, the “smarter” the person is, the higher the standard of living….ok. I’m sleepy. Forgive me if this post didn’t make any sense or if it offends. Chock it up to fatigue. And forgive me in advance. Please. Thanks.

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