Home DIVORCE LAWYERS & LAW TOPICS Divorce Cases & Analysis ANATOMY OF A GAY DIVORCE

ANATOMY OF A GAY DIVORCE

DOMA; PROP 8; FULL FAITH AND CREDIT/COMITY; EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION; ALIMONY; DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP AGREEMENTS; GOODRIDGE v. DEPT. OF PUBLIC HEALTH OF THE STATE OF MASSACHUSETTS

It’s happening not only in states where same-sex couples can get married such as Massachusetts and Connecticut, but also in states that ban same-sex marriages such as New York, New Jersey, Texas, and in Canada, and in certain European countries. Gay people are getting divorced at a rapid fast pace — just like straight people — and they are doing it in states that ban gay marriages. How?  Due to this fancy term in the law called “comity” which basically means that all states in the Union can elect to give “full faith and credit” to marriages that take place in other states even if those marriages are void in that particular  state. So, for example, a state like Colorado may allow common law marriages and New York does not. But if that Coloradoan couple moves to New York, New York would recognize the validity of the common law marriage, and such a couple would be allowed to get a divorce in New York, whereas a New York couple who were not “‘civilly” married could not petition for a divorce in New York on the basis of a common law marriage. That is basically what comity means. Similarly, a same sex couple may have married in Canada, a country that recognizes gay marriages, and then the couple moved to New York. New York would recognize that marriage as legal based on the concept of “comity.” If that couple wanted to get divorced, they could obtain a divorce in New York, even though they couldn’t have married in New York — so long as they meet the residency requirements of the State. Did that make sense….?

Ok. The thing with gay marriage though, is that, unfortunately gays don’t seem any better at marriage than straight people, alas. I mean, look at the Goodridges in Massachusetts. They fought so hard for the right to marry and turned right around and got divorced. What was that about? I just think that that divorce weakened the argument in favor of same sex marriages for other states who were on the fence.  See Goodridge v. Goodridge, 2009

I am sure that proponents of DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) were probably gleeful when the Goodridges divorced, saying “see, I told you they shouldn’t get the right to marry cause they can’t handle marriage and they can’t respect marriage, and they can’t hold a marriage and family together and same sex marriages are fundamentally unstable.”

People like Sean Penn, Brad Pitt and other activists against Prop 8 are probably saying, “who cares? Why should straight people have a monopoly on getting divorced?”

Hme…I don’t know. This is such a controversial issue. I don’t want to bs and say what I don’t really feel. I am definitely for domestic partnership arrangements. But I am not at the point where I can honestly say I am for same-sex marriages. I am a bit of a traditionalist. But I hear the arguments these folks are making, I hear it. And I see the absolute lack of respect that many heterosexuals have for marriage, and I wonder if we have the right, as heterosexuals, to really judge gay people, when look at the mess we have made of marriage? Look at it? Where is the sanctity? It’s deplorable.

I am starting to think that marriage as we know it has become an artifact. I am starting to think that within my lifetime, marriage will go the way of religion: it will be unpopular to say you believe in it. It will mark you as grossly “uneducated” and maybe even crass. People will look at you like you are crazy, the way the look at you if you say you believe in Jesus…and with all the divorces and the total inability of anyone under the age of, say, 58 to understand the concept of “for better or for worse till death do us part,” I am not sure why anybody is getting married anymore, or even why anybody would be fighting for the right to do something that, for many people, stopped making any sense centuries ago. Can’t everyone see that humans really can’t hack marriage because it is contrary to biology?

I am not being cavalier but I am starting to think marriage should be banned, actually. I think the state should outlaw it on its face. NOBODY should have the right to marry. But everybody can have a domestic partnership agreement. If they want it.

But. Whatever. Is a gay divorce different from a heterosexual divorce? I would think probably not. They have the same issues: alimony, child support, custody, equitable distribution, inheritance rights…I guess a gay divorce would anatomically resemble a straight divorce in terms of the issues, procedures and protocols.

But, yeah. I think, ban marriage altogether. Put all those “monstrous divorce”  attorneys out of work…let them all resort to blogging. It’s all the divorce lawyers’ fault anyway that marriage as we know it has utterly imploded….It’s the divorce lawyers that have caused your divorce! Get rid of the lawyers, get rid of the divorces, get rid of the marriages. In that order. That will solve the problem for both the gays and the straights. Believe me.

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