I was just reading this article on the New York Times’ website and
I came away thinking “wow, this is really inneresting.”
I have always been of the school of thought that having kids was always good for a marriage. But it seems that that is not necessarily so. It seems many couples today are HAPPIER without ever having kids. They just want to be with each other and kids can actually weaken the union, especially if there is ambivalence where one parent wants the kids and the other parent is not so crazy about the idea, or does not want the kids altogether. Wow. I wonder why that is so?
Well, it also seems that what the article is saying is that in those situations where the kids are wanted by both spouses, it can still be bad for the marriage because the parents are spending more time with the kids and less time together, alone, bonding and growing their relationship.
Or, one thing that happens is that kids can cause parents to grow resentful of each other because it tends to perpetuate gender roles, whereby mom stays home to raise the kids and dad ends up working harder at the office to try to pay for the privileges of marriage and family – the private school, nannies, house, cars and all the rest of it. So, it still ends up that kids can be “bad for marriage.”
Wow. I did this one post last December about how to hang on to your marriage if you suspect that your husband wants a divorce. One of the ideas I espoused was, “shag him to his senses and get preggers.” http://www.divorcesaloon.com/your-husbands-asked-for-a-divorce-but-you-still-want-him-how-to-shag-him-back-to-his-senses-and-renew-your-wedding-vows-instead
I guess I better take that back right now. That used to work in the sixties and seventies, I guess, but if the New York Times article is right, maybe it doesn’t work anymore. I mean, it may buy you some time, but ultimately, men are not sticking around just because kids are in the picture. Sometimes, it seems like they would be more likely to bolt!
Wow. Who knew.
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