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When the wife is a bully

I know. I am always blaming the guys for everything. It’s always the guy’s fault. Women are helpless, blameless, little angels…. yea right. I mean, on the one hand, I’ve done all these posts recently about domestic violence and it is a real issue, an important one that cannot be ignored. And it is true that men are most often than not the ones to perpetrate bullying behavior against their wives. But not all wives are helpless, blameless little angels.

Some women are bullies. Yes that’s right. They were bullies in kindergarten, bullies in high school, bullies in the work place and bullies in their marriages. And these types of women almost invariably always marry “nice guys” who they bully and tear down on a regular basis. 

At the end of the day, a bully is a bully is a bully. It is a gender neutral, equal opportunity menace. It doesn’t matter what your race, gender, socio-economic background or anything. Bullies comes in all shapes and genders.

So, when the wife is the bully, what is she like? Ew. I don’t know. Thank god I never have to deal with that. Because I have dealt with bullies in Kindergarten and high school and the work place and all that, and I have to tell you, if I were a man I would slit my wrists rather than stay married to one of those people. I mean, honestly. It’s just like, there is no peace with people like this. They are allergic to peace and to harmony and to love and forgiveness. They do not know what happiness is. There is huge empty hole where their heart is supposed to be.

Even after the marriage ends, the bullying wife is a menace to her ex because she finds ways to destroy him and exact revenge (even when she is the one who wronged him)  even though he is no longer in her life. She is more likely than any other wife, for example, to use the kids as a weapon against her husband. She will try other tricks too. Like, oh, I don’t know, cyberstalking him for example? (I would advise contacting the FBI depending on how serious her transgressions become. There are laws against some of this stuff that bullies try and there are ways to track down the perps and bring them to justice). Same for social networking crimes that are committed on YOUTUBE, FACEBOOK and these types of venues. Contact the FBI right away and they will direct you on what actions you need to take to catch her red handed.

The wife who is a bully may even ruin her ex’s attempts to move on, by being really mean to his new wife or girlfriend; and god forbid he should have other children who are forced to interact with the children he has with her? NIGHTMARES. The whole family will be in constant turmoil thanks to this shrew.

One of the most atrocious things, by far, that I think a bully does is she accuses her husband of abuse when it is totally not the truth. Sometimes, she even accuses him of abusing the kids! Even sexual abuse! It’s crazy. There is no limit to what a person like this will do. In a real way, I think a wife who is a bully has serious issues and needs serious help. This person is a danger to themselves and to others.

I am a huge supporter of women and wives. But I don’t like bullies. And I certainly have no respect for a wife who is a bully. I don’t support that behavior at all. It’s not right. It’s ugly and it’s just…there’s no reason for it. But then again, as I said, these types of people start early. You can trace that behavior all the way back to the Kindergarten play ground and it is who they are at the core. They can’t help themselves. And maybe, because they’ve gotten away with it for so long, they don’t know of any other way to be. Which is sad.

Ew. Bullies suck. They really do.

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7 Responses to When the wife is a bully

  1. Dan

    June 9, 2009 at 5:50 am

    I’m married to a bully. I feel slightly relieved, after 14 years of marriage, to be able put a label on it. A couple of years ago I figured it out for myself; it just took so long to get past the idea that a bully could be a woman. Finally I decided to look it up on the internet and B-I-N-G-O. Almost without exception, this sullen, controlling person has greeted me with a scowl after a long day at work since after a month after we were married. Small things disappear, like a favorite old shirt, a keepsake, an important piece of paper. Sometimes she is caught and admits to it. The threats of divorce and “I hate you” have been constant, almost daily. Sometimes there has been physical abuse, but she quickly realized that could be hazardous to her health. She incessantly demeans and constantly gossips about me to her relatives and friends, and especially speaks badly of my mother and family; she’s a textbook case.

    I will leave, but I know the hell will continue unless I move several states away and break off contact(but pay child support of course). We have a wonderful 10 year old daughter. Good luck to anyone else out there in a similar situation. I feel I’m a much stronger person after all of this.

  2. Bob

    July 4, 2009 at 6:02 am

    I was married to a female bully for sixteen years. Nothing ever made her happy. I took her control, manipulation, verbal and emotional abuse for sixteen years, she almost drove me insane. When I finally had all I could take and left she turned our three kids against me. Then she allowed and enabled a man to have an inappropriate relationship with our youngest daughter, who was eleven at the time. He is now serving 25 years in prison. She has done everything she can to hurt me and denigrate me. I can’t tell you how much pain and heartache she has put me through. These people are some of the cruelest people on earth. I am glad I no longer have to live with her, but unless I totally abandon my kids I will always have to deal with her and her antics, she will never change.

  3. steven

    July 9, 2009 at 9:53 pm

    WOW! I truly feel your pain guys, here’s my story. I am married to an incredibaly manipulative , inmature, insecure, arrogant woman for almost 10 years now and I can’t take it anymore. my wife got so mad at me for disagreeing with her about our nephews coming to visit this summer for two weeks that she took our daughter in the middle of the night and for 11 days hasn’t called, emailed, texed or anything to let me know where she is. she refused to come hame until “they” left mind you they are 7-8 year olds, whom we haven’t seen in years and have never visited us ever.

    my daughter is tired of sleeping in a hotel and at friends houses. my wife refuses to come home so our daughter can be home with her dad, and now my daughter is feeling upset at her mother, but she doesn’t care. she threatens that the only way she will come home is if we go to counseling, which by the way i have no problem with that, it’s just every 60 days or less , she flips out on me. and I’m tired as all get out from this mess.

    the only way i can be assured that our daughter is at home is if I stay there to ensure she leaves her there. I work nights and my wife keeps taking her to hotels just to punish me and our child. I am considering filing an emergency custody , because she is the one that has left home and not doing things in the best interest of our child. It will cost a pretty penny but I fear this is all I can do right now…
    Yes women can be the biggest bullies and the court system seems to ensure that they can continue to hurt children,, ever wonder what happens when women are given custody of children that are unstable and not given to the dads?

    remember Susan Smith, unstable andrea yates. list goes on and on…..

  4. victor

    July 10, 2009 at 1:35 am

    you guys are wimps
    Any woman who tried to bully me would regret the day she was born
    Besides there are plenty of fish in the sea
    I’d dump the aged broad so quick it not e en funny

  5. beatrice

    September 11, 2009 at 11:20 pm

    I know a man who is bullied by his wife, for 14 years now. I have watched him systematically be destroyed emotionally, with her smug all the while, saying “see, I was right, you’re nothing without me, you can’t handle your own affairs, you can’t live your life unless I’m picking up your messes”. And he keeps getting into messes; like a self-fulfilling prophecy. They have no kids, yet he stays with her. Everyone might think he’s a wimp but I say he’s been brainwashed and after awhile a human being starts to believe he is what they say; he trusted this woman in the beginning and he believed in her, and through the years she has eroded his self-confidence. It happens to women, why can’t it happen to men? I feel horrible for him and have told him he’s being abused but he defends her, like he’s got Stockholm Syndrome or something. She lectures him, berates him, makes him feel like he’s worthless and eventually he stopped working full time, takes care of the home, cooks and cleans, and she gets to call all the shots because he doesn’t make as much money as she does. Yep, it’s easy to say he should leave, but abusers find people who, for some reason, need to be abused, they just don’t feel they deserve better. Sometimes I want to kidnap him to get him deprogrammed but I know that’s just co-dependent of me, he has to live his own life.

  6. nick

    October 27, 2009 at 8:20 am

    I too married a bully, my second wife a beautiful woman and very popular with all who know her. Our relationship however has been one of mental torture for me ! Constant critism your no good at this too slow at that etc etc. My self esteem in the gutter. I have put up with it for 10 years but can no longer .I absolutely loved this woman with all my heart and now realize that was the reason that this abuse has gone on so long.

  7. Joe

    March 2, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    someone please contact me about this exact topic. I am truly in need of help with my ex-wife. she has become frighteningly menacing since my girlfriend and i have gotten more serious. i am scared. jgra74@gmail.com

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