Home PARENTING Custody Issues When mom doesn’t want custody

When mom doesn’t want custody

Divorce Information:

It is almost counter-intuitive to think that a mother may not want custody of her own kids. The norm is that moms fight like bears for their cubs and they will literally kill to protect their babies. They would feel utterly horrible, as if they were “abandonning” their child(ren) if they did not fight for at least joint custody.

Many moms are still “stay at home” moms whose sole job is to care for the children and the home and their husband. Often, these women have set aside their own career ambitions and personal dreams in order to raise a family. They see their success in the quality of the children they have raised, and in the marriage itself. But when the marriage breaks up, they may be left in a quandary. First of all, the idea of becoming a single parent who now has to find a job or develop a career is overwhelming, especially, if as often happens, these women are middle aged or older.

So what happens on occassion is that  after a marriage dissolves, the mom does not want custody. She has no desire to be the custodial parent of the children. Or she may feel that she just can’t afford to give the children the quality of life they have come to expect and depend on.

Or she may simply want some time for herself to go back to school and explore her own dreams after a long marriage where her sole focus was the husband, kids, and keeping a good home.

As I said, it is not exactly the norm. Moms usually fight hard to keep the kids. But there are situations where it is just not the right thing for a particular woman to take up the duties and responsibilities of a single-parent custodial situation. And that’s fine.

In the end, the best interest of the children is best served if both parents are honest about their capabilities, goals and desires post divorce. And it’s not always about the money. Because in many situations, moms will receive child support assistance from the father of the children. And in high net worth situations, that is even more of a non-issue.

Still, in spite of the money, some moms don’t want custody. And I think that is fine. They don’t have to feel guilty about that. The aim is always to do what is best for the kids. And it is not best for the kids to be in the custody of a parent who for whatever reason doesn’t want the responsibility.

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