I was just reading a very interesting article over at First Wives World. The author was talking about her religious beliefs and how divorce is a sin according to her religious faith. I found the article very interesting to say the least. Not because I’m religious, or anything. I mean, I’m a believer, without question. And, as I have said at least a couple of times on this blog, I don’t take divorce lightly even though I am a divorce attorney. Sometimes, I may even feel slightly guilty about it. I mean, after all, if I am a believer, and if the “Bible” says, “whom God has put together let no man put asunder,” how can I square that belief with what I do for a living, which is file divorce petitions and break up all of “God’s” marriages? Just another thing I have to answer for when I meet the Creator, you know? As if I don’t already have enough!
It’s pretty wrenching and ironic the way I feel about my job. I definitely have to wear different hats. There is the side of me that is indoctrinated that believes that all marriages, no matter how unhappy, should stay in tact till death do us part. Those vows. It is what my Grandmother did. And my mother too. And the people close to me, especially those in my mother’s generation. Divorce is not done. It is not okay for this demographic. It is immoral, a sin, and me being a New York Divorce attorney is not something they are proud of. No, I’m very serious. This is the view of my mother’s generation.
My generation of women see it differently, and I am frankly stuck in between both worlds. One of the reasons I think I never married is because I’ve never met anyone I thought I could happily spend the rest of my life, locked in an institution with. And rather than break my vows, I’ve been very cautious about getting into that institution in the first place.
At the same time, I believe strongly in marriage, and matrimony, and family and happily ever after, and the beautiful white dress and all that good stuff. I believe in the sanctity of those vows. I do. I really feel like once you take them, you should do all in your power not to break them.
But I’m also a pragmatist living in 21st Century New York. I mean, get real. Marriages break and sometimes when they do, the only fix is to end the nightmare, by slamming the other person with divorce papers. In this day and age, divorce is almost sometimes a necessity. There are all sorts of craziness that I see and hear that I know had I found myself in that position, it would be DIVORCE, religion or no religion. For example, the client who came in because her husband wanted her to dress up all the time in bizarre outfits for sex. I mean, what in the name of God is that? I have to tell you, I didn’t get hired on that case. Cause I couldn’t help it, I was like, “oh my god no he doesn’t!” And she was like, “yes he does.” And I have to tell you, I started to giggle. And the giggle turned into a full fledged cackle, the more this woman went on. I said to her, “are people really that bored with the sex lives?!” And it was too late by the time I realized she wasn’t all that amused. Was it inappropriate and immature? Of course. But this is what I am talking about. Marriage is not sacred anymore. Not for a lot of people. So how can anybody subject anybody else to this kind of damnation? You know? I mean, would “God” want you to stay in a situation like that? I can’t imagine he would.
I do think there are a lot of sanctimonious people out there, who judge other people. Maybe all of us are sanctimonious to some extent, so I shouldn’t leave myself out.
But as the author of the article on First Wives World points out, all sin is sin. So it may be a sin to get a divorce according to your religious doctrine, but it is also a sin to even think certain things that we all think from time to time. It is a sin to envy. It is a sin to lust. It is a sin to take bathrobes out of fancy hotels. It’s a sin to tell a white lie, or a brown lie; it’s a sin to…gosh, so many things are sins. Divorce is no bigger sin than any other.
If a marriage is “killing your spirit,” I think it is a sin to stay. I can’t imagine that God would want anyone to “kill their spirit.” I just don’t think that is why he put us here.
So there you have it. Divorce may be a sin. But if it is, sometimes, it is necessary and forgivable.
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